Coupons & Condoms

I like to save money, but I also like to shop on the spur of the moment. When I'm in a grocery store, there is nothing worse than having to do coupon calculus. It ruins the spontaneity, man.

The usual scenario goes like this: you're looking at a box of Fudge Bombs for two bucks. The generic is less, but if you mentally subtract the coupon it's easy to figure out the best deal. Oh, wait, this store doubles coupons. So now that's $1.99 minus 2X. In the fine print it says the coupon is only good for three boxes. So that's $1.99 minus 2X/3. No, look closer, more fine print: coupon good for "New Fudge Bombs with Cherry Flavor." The Cherry Flavor is 14oz, while the generic is 16oz. Now compute the price per ounce...

My wife gives me multiple coupons, which means the scenario above is repeated throughout the store. Thus, it has occurred to me that coupons are like condoms. Men will avoid using coupons unless women order us to use them. Have you ever seen a coupon for beer, guns or chainsaws? No? I used to be able to buy a sale item on the spot with the satisfaction that I'd gotten a good deal. Now, I have to dig out the coupon and stand there mumbling to myself while any pleasure in the moment is fading rapidly. Sometimes the coupon is too old, so you can't use it anymore. And don't even think about trying to tell her you forgot to use the coupon.